I am doing a bible study on Respectable Sins and I was heavily convicted when I left bible study this morning. My mind was churning as I was planning out how I was going to carve out some time to sit with hubby, one on one, and apologize to him. My impatience, irritability, and anger are targeted at him 99% of the time. I have such a great love for him, as you know, I brag on what a great husband he is all the time. Yet, I say those words to you, but don’t always go home to him and make him feel like the man he is. So leaving bible study this morning I knew I had to go to him and ask for his forgiveness.
I get in my car, call him, and drive towards my mom’s to pick up SG. I tell him that my bible study this morning was really hard in the sense that it showed me some ugly things about myself. He stopped me and asked me if I would meet him for lunch so we could talk about it. He said we should take this chance while SG is with Nana, and have a lunch together before our busy routine gets underway due to his fall semester starting up and our usual season of not seeing each other much. I was thrilled with his invite and knew this was the opportunity God was giving me to have some alone time with him to confess and ask for forgiveness.
We meet at Olive Garden and I start talking. I told him that I am aware that as my husband, I should treat him better than any other human being, and that in my heart I want to, but that my selfishness, and pride, and SIN prevent me from doing that. I asked him to forgive me and told him that I was committed to working on this above all else. I know God is showing me this is more important than any other mentoring or card ministry I have. I send cards out to encourage others, to brighten their day, to shine God’s love on them, yet how many notes or cards do you think I have given my husband in the past year? Maybe one for his birthday.
Do you know what my husband’s response was? He said I needed to give myself some credit, he said I am much better than I used to be. HE NOTICED! How many times have I felt frustrated that he wasn’t seeing a change in me, from the person I was before I was saved, to now. How many times have I felt like he wasn’t giving me the credit I was DUE. Well guess what? God spoke to me loud and clear, God deserves the credit not me. My pride was seeking out approval and praise from my husband. When I finally humbled myself, and went to my husband with sincerity, asking for his forgiveness, THAT is when the Lord blessed me with the sweet response from my husband.
Needless to say we had a wonderful lunch, I didn’t nag once 🙂 I read him the Proverbs 31:10-12 passage and told him that was my desire, my commitment to him. He said that was a really nice verse!
Proverbs 31:10-12 – An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil, all the days of her life.
My husband still doesn’t believe in God, but God is still in the center of our marriage. God is teaching me how to back off, to raise my husband up, to encourage him, to lift him up, and do him good, not evil. In doing so, God is blessing our marriage so beautifully. I am so in love with him. I no longer want to describe myself as spiritually single, because God is my portion. God provides everything I need in my husband. So there is no part of me that is “single”. That puts a cloud over my marriage that isn’t true. I am fully committed to hubby, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. He may not read devotions with me or go to church or pray with me, but when I need his support in my walk with the Lord, my husband IS there. He came to my baptism, he supports my church financially, he attends functions and wants to know my church friends. I am NOT spiritually single. I am exactly where God wants me to be.