Today is the day before Christ was crucified 1,982 years ago. Circumstances played out today that remind me of how much I need that saving day. Today has been a meltdown of epic proportions in parenting. Today I have felt confused, at a loss, not confident. I have felt broken, vulnerable and overwhelmed. I have felt guilt and fear. I have let myself sink into a spot of deep muddy water, a mire of doubt. I have been greatly humbled today and at more than one time was brought to my knees in tears, crying out to God for direction and help. I think you are clear on how my day has gone.
I came upon this scripture after I wrote this and LOVE the words God led me to that delivered so perfectly His love and understanding to me and I prayed the same idea behind this prayer before I read it. Amazing.
I have sunk in deep mire, and there is no foothold; I have come into deep waters, and a flood overflows me. I am weary with my crying; my throat is parched; My eyes fail while I wait for my God…But as for me, my prayer is to You, O Lord, at an acceptable time; O God, in the greatness of Your lovingkindness, Answer me with your saving truth. Deliver me from the mire and do not let me sink; May I be delivered from my foes and from the deep waters. May the flood of water not overflow me nor the pit shut its mouth on me. Answer me, O Lord, for Your lovingkindness is good; According to the greatness of Your compassion, turn to me, And do not hide Your face from Your servant, For I am in distress; answer me quickly. Psalm 69:2-3.13-17.
The key words to me in this are “your saving truth”. His truths are ALWAYS the answers I need.
Tomorrow marks the day that Christ took care of all that I experienced today. Tomorrow marks the day that enables me to even go to God for help, that I am even allowed the privilege of being in His presence. We celebrate the remembrance, tomorrow at 8 a.m., of the three words that changed the world, and me, forever; “It is finished.” He took all my doubt, guilt, fear, confusion, self-consciousness, anxiety, all of my sin, and he carried it for me. He took it up on the cross; he nailed it to the cross and said it is no longer yours to carry. Tomorrow reminds me there is no self-righteous judgment on me from man or law but perfect righteousness cleansing me. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9. Tomorrow reminds me there is no mistake that can condemn me for life, there is only forgiveness.
Today was a “dark” day for me. But what is the good news? There is light!! Three days following his death Christ rose from the dead. He took my sin, he died for it, but he conquered it. He now lives in me, the Holy Spirit guiding me, and this day of darkness in my life will be conquered, the sun will rise again. Now the God of peace who brought up from the dead the great Shepherd of the sheep through the blood of the eternal covenant, even Jesus our Lord, equip you in every good thing to do His will, working in us that which is pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be the glory forever and ever, Amen. Hebrews 13:20-21. I will not be defeated because I have the fountain of living water in me, it is not muddy, it is not a mire, it is clean and pure and full of knowledge and wisdom and love. The scriptures God has taken me to, the power of going to Him in prayer, and the words I am writing out now, have already brought light to my day. Oh that I would remember immediately, so that there is no amount of time I languish.
I praise God that He ministered to me so quickly and answered my prayer. At first I was praying for my daughter to be changed, “change her heart”, but then quickly saw I needed to pray “change ME Lord”, and He did! This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests which we have asked from Him. 1 John 5:14-15 What I really needed was perspective and to be gently nudged to loosen my grip on the control I thought I had and see that only His strength and His ways and His guidance are what controls my life and His sovereign plan is what I must yield to and rest in when raising a 3 and a half year old. I also must remember only HE knows her fully and only HE created her so I MUST go to Him for help BEFORE I get to the point of my muddy mire.
I also realized, after all the battles today, that today is the one year anniversary of when I was held up at gunpoint. Read about that here. Maybe I have emotions tied into that today, only God knows, but it is another beautiful reminder to look back and see ALL he has carried me through and to know and believe He will continue to carry me through every single day ahead. When I stop myself, when I take every thought captive, I do thrive in the great joy of knowing God and receiving His love. It has been a while since I have had a day like today where I let myself dig a deep hole of self-pity. It is NOT all about me; it is ALL about Him, my King, My Lord. I am thankful God used that to humble me, to draw me close to Him, and it couldn’t have come at a better time; the day before the anniversary of the wonderful words, It is finished John 19:30.
I was able to speak to my husband about the importance of tomorrow morning for me. I spoke to him about the sermon from last week and the history my pastor shared with us and told him Friday at 8 a.m. was the 1,982 anniversary of Christ saying “it is finished”. His replied, “Where would you like to be tomorrow at that time, I know it is important to you and I’ll watch SG if you want some alone time”. I am amazed at the way God softens my husband’s heart to support me in the things that are not important to him. What a blessing from the Lord that he would allow my husband to honor me and honor HIM in that way. The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassion never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23. Thank you Lord for every provision and for every blessing and for every testing you put in my path. You are true and faithful and good!
My day started off dark but nothing compared to what Christ went through. Because he went through that, for me, my Savior, I am filled once again with hope and joy and my head is up worshiping my Lord instead of gazing down at my “problems”. Oh and they seem so silly and small now compared to what so many others are going through. They are my battles to overcome and they are in God’s hands, the hands He uses to mold me for His glory!