We got the call this morning, we are not the family chosen for the boys. Rejection is hard. Rejection concerning being a parent is the hardest so far I’ve endured. Rejection has caused me to look at myself long and hard but ultimately to look to God. That really is the only place I can look. When He says He is for me so who can be against me I have to believe that and believe that this rejection is an act of love to us. When He says He works all things together for good I have to believe that our rejection is in the best interest of the boys. When I start looking at all I can praise God for, it is endless. I simply cannot be bitter, there is hope! This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and steadfast and one which enters within the veil, where Jesus has entered as a forerunner for us Hebrews 6:19-20a. An hour later and I have a smile on my face and am praising God for His mighty Sovereign hand who sees it all and knows it all and is in control. Such good has come from this week.
I have been so sensitive to and have had my heart burst wide open receiving the message of adoption. That God would love these boys to the point of plucking them out of their birth home, of despair and a cursed cycle of debauchery, and put them into a home, a loving home where they now will receive the blessing of knowing God’s love. It is not my home they are coming into but God is bringing them into His by rescuing them and putting them in to a home of those who are promised blessings for generations to come. How blessed is the man who fears the Lord, Who greatly delights in His commandments. His descendants will be mighty on the earth; The generation of the upright will be blessed. Psalm 112:1-2. Wow! How can I be anything other than thankful for that. It also so sweetly reminds me that I am one of his “plucked” children. He took me from the path I was on which could only lead to death and brought me into His Kingdom, His family, the Body of Christ and the generations under me receive blessing from that.
This has brought my husband and I closer, we have become a stronger unit, and we have experienced that in a way that wouldn’t have happened if this had all went perfectly our way. Praise God! We are stronger and I am closer to the Lord and that can only be a good thing in preparing us for the child that we will be chosen for. Maybe there needed to be some more work done in us that only God knows and He was protecting us from the mistakes we would have made. I just don’t know and I just can’t guess because when I try to lean on my own understanding it produces nothing good. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do no lean on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5. God is the only one who can be Sovereign, my little brain would just burst if I had to figure it all out. Praise God that He is working, praise God that He loves me enough to not give me what I want because He can see beyond it and what is ahead, (yes, a great parenting lesson)!
I was also aware of the many of you who prayed for us during this. It brings me to tears thinking of those that prayed for us Monday and prayed for us the night before our interview and prayed for us during our interview. THAT was the body of Christ coming together loving us, spurring us on, taking us to the throne of grace. Oh what a gift that was! Friends your prayers were answered. Don’t take this as a “no” from God. Take it as a “yes” to His will. He answered and His will be done. The effective prayer of a righteous man CAN accomplish much James 5:16. My prayers, as hard as it was to pray, was that the boys would be placed in the right home, that the people making the decision would place it before God, that my hearts desire was for the boys, but that God would be glorified. All those things have come to pass, your prayers have been heard and God will continue to work this situation out for good. What comfort to know He sees what is ahead for us.
I will never regret meeting and knowing and loving these boys. They showed us we can love in ways we weren’t aware of. They showed us that even though we fought for them and didn’t ultimately get them, that the fight was worth it. I pray they will know how much they were wanted, I pray they remember the love they received in our home. There will always be pictures of them in our photo album and we will look back at them fondly remembering those little “cutie-patooties” as SG calls them. To be a part of this world of adoption, of redemption, is hard but it is the closest thing to what God has done for me that I can get. Why would I not continue to pour my heart out for this even if it gets broken sometimes. God already has a plan for another child that needs to be “plucked” out of their world and into His and I pray that He will use my family to accomplish that and that ALL will see the glory of God.
I’m sure waves of sadness will come. I have faith that God will sustain me and my family. He has already delivered in such a mighty way to allow me to be able to sit and write this and stop the questions and “what ifs”. I just can’t see anything but God’s hand in this so there is nothing to complain about. Praise God with me. Pray for my husband’s heart to continue to be softened after being so deeply wounded. But as for me I will hope continually and praise You and will praise you yet more and more. Psalm 71:14.