Now I See

I remember vividly what it was like to be blind. When life threw a curveball, when there was a decision to be made, when a devastating event happened, and in just the day to day life happenings, I turned to my feelings to guide me. Like a blind man using his cane to feel the world around him, I put my feelings out there, like a stick poking around, trying to determine my next step. If I FEEL this way or that, then surely that is enough to guide me into the right direction and decision. If I FEEL this anger, hurt, rage, temptation, lust, that must validate the actions I can take towards the person or event that caused it. These blind assumptions led me to no good. Being led by my feelings, for 15 of my adult years, resulted in abuse of alcohol and drugs, allowing horrible relationships to manifest and continue, misery at work, a marriage almost ruined, an arrest record, and a torn apart heart and soul because I just didn’t know which way to turn. When I finally stopped kicking and screaming against it, and yielded to what I was made for, the reason I even exist, and confessed that Jesus is Lord and put my belief and faith in HIM, my eyes were opened! Around six years ago, God removed the diseased vision I was looking through and replaced it with a whole, clean, clear view of His creation, including myself. “Then the eyes of the blind will be opened And the ears of the deaf will be unstopped.”Isaiah‬ ‭35:5‬.‬‬

I knew about God before this, I at one point even called myself a Christian but I DID NOT COMPREHEND. “In Him was life, and the life was the Light of men. The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.”John‬ ‭1:4-5‬‬. I grew further and further away from the idea of God because I didn’t understand it. If I couldn’t understand it, rationalize it or make it fit into the world I wanted to live, then it must not be true or real. I remember trying to read the Old Testament at one point and just truly didn’t see the point. This boring stuff has no merit or value in my life. It just shows a mean God who punished people. Oh what a glorious gift God gave me when He opened my eyes to the revelation of His truths. The Old Testament now MAKES SENSE and is a beautiful picture of our Savior coming. I have grown more in my faith while studying the Old Testament than any other part of the Bible. When you see THE WHOLE STORY and not just snippets of it, when you see this glorious book that uses foreshadowing, and prophecy, stories of God’s endless patience and faithfulness, and beautiful language and images that point to Christ, when you “get it” it is just magnificent. I love reading a passage and now knowing it is showing God’s love to us not His vengeance and wrath against us. For my eyes have seen Your salvation, Which You have prepared in the presence of all peoples, A LIGHT OF REVELATION TO THE GENTILES, And the glory of Your people Israel.”Luke‬ ‭2:30-32‬.

The Bible gives me wisdom in making decisions. Timeless wisdom from a true and perfect God who has never made a mistake. THAT is who I want to learn from, not my own feelings and advice from magazines or emotionally driven sources.  The Bible gives me peace in all circumstances. Difficult times, confusing times, sad times, in all of it I am comforted by the peace and hope I find in God’s Word. It is in me, in my mind, in my heart and soul, so that there is not a circumstance I face now that will result in me feeling “hopeless”.

Although my eyes are opened, I am no longer blinded, and I see the great light that now over powers the darkness, I can still be tempted to put on sunglasses. My flesh, the part of me that isn’t wholly glorified yet in Christ-likeness, can still want to cover up the light. To dim it, by going back to my worldly view. This manifests itself by my temptation to go back to being led by feelings. Why would I want to to cover up the clear vision, the bright light of love and wisdom that shines from knowing Christ and His redemptive work in my life?! It is because I can so easily forget what being blind was like. I forget and want to drag myself back to the dark empty room, feeling my way around, poking my feelings around, trying to justify my actions. Let me never forget!!! Let me never put on sunglasses again that dim what has dawned! I am so grateful for God’s Word and the power it has. I recently was tempted to draw on feelings and you know what happened? God’s Word flooded my mind. Scriptures came to mind that I said out loud, and that cleansed my mind, restored my sight, and God was glorified for the power of His Word!

Can you image what it was like for the blind man who was healed? When He entered the house, the blind men came up to Him, and Jesus said to them, “Do you believe that I am able to do this?’” They said to Him, “Yes, Lord.” Then He touched their eyes, saying, “It shall be done to you according to your faith.” And their eyes were opened.Matthew‬ ‭9:28-29a‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬. We don’t have to imagine, if we are a Christian, we know! May we never forget that miraculous truth and may we always remember the stark difference from darkness to having our eyes opened and walking in the brilliant light of Jesus Christ. ‬


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