Author: Holly

It is Finished

On By HollyIn Parenting, Sanctification, Unequally YokedLeave a comment

Lighten Darkness Light Clouds Sky Cross Dark Nature Wallpaper Ios 7Today is the day before Christ was crucified 1,982 years ago. Circumstances played out today that remind me of how much I need that saving day. Today has been a meltdown of epic proportions in parenting. Today I have felt confused, at a loss, not confident. I have felt broken, vulnerable and overwhelmed. I have felt guilt and fear. I have let myself sink into a spot of deep muddy water, a mire of doubt. I have been greatly humbled today and at more than one time was brought to my knees in tears, crying out to God for direction and help. I think you are clear on how my day has gone.

I came upon this scripture after I wrote this and LOVE the words God led me to that delivered so perfectly His love and understanding to me and I prayed the same idea behind this prayer before I read it. Amazing.

I have sunk in deep mire, and there is no foothold; I have come into deep waters, and a flood overflows me. I am weary with my crying; my throat is parched; My eyes fail while I wait for my God…But as for me, my prayer is to You, O Lord, at an acceptable time; O God, in the greatness of Your lovingkindness, Answer me with your saving truth. Deliver me from the mire and do not let me sink; May I be delivered from my foes and from the deep waters. May the flood of water not overflow me nor the pit shut its mouth on me. Answer me, O Lord, for Your lovingkindness is good; According to the greatness of Your compassion, turn to me, And do not hide Your face from Your servant, For I am in distress; answer me quickly. Psalm 69:2-3.13-17.

The key words to me in this are “your saving truth”. His truths are ALWAYS the answers I need.

Tomorrow marks the day that Christ took care of all that I experienced today. Tomorrow marks the day that enables me to even go to God for help, that I am even allowed the privilege of being in His presence. We celebrate the remembrance, tomorrow at 8 a.m., of the three words that changed the world, and me, forever; “It is finished.” He took all my doubt, guilt, fear, confusion, self-consciousness, anxiety, all of my sin, and he carried it for me. He took it up on the cross; he nailed it to the cross and said it is no longer yours to carry. Tomorrow reminds me there is no self-righteous judgment on me from man or law but perfect righteousness cleansing me. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9. Tomorrow reminds me there is no mistake that can condemn me for life, there is only forgiveness.

Today was a “dark” day for me. But what is the good news? There is light!! Three days following his death Christ rose from the dead. He took my sin, he died for it, but he conquered it. He now lives in me, the Holy Spirit guiding me, and this day of darkness in my life will be conquered, the sun will rise again. Now the God of peace who brought up from the dead the great Shepherd of the sheep through the blood of the eternal covenant, even Jesus our Lord, equip you in every good thing to do His will, working in us that which is pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be the glory forever and ever, Amen. Hebrews 13:20-21. I will not be defeated because I have the fountain of living water in me, it is not muddy, it is not a mire, it is clean and pure and full of knowledge and wisdom and love. The scriptures God has taken me to, the power of going to Him in prayer, and the words I am writing out now, have already brought light to my day. Oh that I would remember immediately, so that there is no amount of time I languish.

I praise God that He ministered to me so quickly and answered my prayer. At first I was praying for my daughter to be changed, “change her heart”, but then quickly saw I needed to pray “change ME Lord”, and He did! This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests which we have asked from Him. 1 John 5:14-15 What I really needed was perspective and to be gently nudged to loosen my grip on the control I thought I had and see that only His strength and His ways and His guidance are what controls my life and His sovereign plan is what I must yield to and rest in when raising a 3 and a half year old. I also must remember only HE knows her fully and only HE created her so I MUST go to Him for help BEFORE I get to the point of my muddy mire.

I also realized, after all the battles today, that today is the one year anniversary of when I was held up at gunpoint. Read about that here. Maybe I have emotions tied into that today, only God knows, but it is another beautiful reminder to look back and see ALL he has carried me through and to know and believe He will continue to carry me through every single day ahead. When I stop myself, when I take every thought captive, I do thrive in the great joy of knowing God and receiving His love. It has been a while since I have had a day like today where I let myself dig a deep hole of self-pity. It is NOT all about me; it is ALL about Him, my King, My Lord. I am thankful God used that to humble me, to draw me close to Him, and it couldn’t have come at a better time; the day before the anniversary of the wonderful words, It is finished John 19:30.

I was able to speak to my husband about the importance of tomorrow morning for me. I spoke to him about the sermon from last week and the history my pastor shared with us and told him Friday at 8 a.m. was the 1,982 anniversary of Christ saying “it is finished”. His replied,  “Where would you like to be tomorrow at that time, I know it is important to you and I’ll watch SG if you want some alone time”. I am amazed at the way God softens my husband’s heart to support me in the things that are not important to him. What a blessing from the Lord that he would allow my husband to honor me and honor HIM in that way. The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassion never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23. Thank you Lord for every provision and for every blessing and for every testing you put in my path. You are true and faithful and good!

My day started off dark but nothing compared to what Christ went through. Because he went through that, for me, my Savior, I am filled once again with hope and joy and my head is up worshiping my Lord instead of gazing down at my “problems”. Oh and they seem so silly and small now compared to what so many others are going through. They are my battles to overcome and they are in God’s hands, the hands He uses to mold me for His glory!

 

Obedience

On By HollyIn Sanctification, Unequally YokedLeave a comment

Obedience

Then the Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great on the earth, and that every intent of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. The Lord said “I will blot out man whom I have created from the face of the land, from man to animals to creeping things and to birds of the sky; for I am sorry that I have made them.” But Noah found favor in the eyes of the Lord. Genesis 6:5-8

But I will establish My covenant with you; and you shall enter the ark- you and your sons and your wife and your sons’ wives with you. Genesis 6:18

Then the Lord said to Noah, “Enter the ark, you and all your household, for you alone I have seen to be righteous before Me in this time. Genesis 7:1

Noah did according to all that the Lord had commanded him. Genesis 7:5

The rain fell upon the earth for forty days and forty nights. On the very same day Noah and Shem and Ham and Japeth, the sons of Noah, and Noah’s wife and the three wives and his sons with them entered the ark,. Genesis 7:12-13

Thus He blotted out every living thing that was upon the face of the land, from man to animals to creeping things and to birds of the sky and they were blotted out from the earth; and only Noah was left, together with those that were with him in the ark. Genesis 7:23

I read the story of Noah and the flood a month ago and was overwhelmingly struck with a part of the story that had never resonated with me so strongly before; Noah’s obedience saved his family. I KNEW that intellectually, but this time when I read it the Holy Spirit showed me God’s words and they hit me right to my core. He has been pressing in on me about obedience to Him, and used Noah to really make it clear. How many times in the bible does God say “and your descendants” or “your sons”, or “your children” when describing our relationship with obedience and God and His love and concern for passing that down to our family. In just a VERY quick survey of the scriptures I found 11 examples of this, which only took me a minute so I know there is more. Now I am not saying that my obedience to God will make my daughter a Christian, but I do believe living in the home of a believer puts her under the influence of someone who has the Holy Spirit guiding me, to show her Christ, and THAT is the example I want for her. 1 Corinthians 17:13-14 And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. This was one of the first scriptures God showed me for guidance in my marriage to a pre-believer ( my affectionate term for my husband who doesn’t believe in God).

One of the pearls of wisdom I have received during this lesson in obedience is this; Sin can have its affects for many years to come on us and those around us and to think about what sin does to the testimony of God’s name. This came from a wise Titus 2 woman from my MOMS group. My disobedience, my making excuses, my rationalizing what my flesh wants, my comparing what I am doing to someone else, all of that SIN, has an affect on not only me but my descendants! The obedience word, the reason it originally came up, the reason I have been “schooled” in this area by God is because of something so silly; Facebook. I have done every one of the above mentioned things, rationalizing, making excuses, etc…but God has made it clear, in MANY, MANY scriptures that, right now, Facebook is off limits for me, it just isn’t good for me. It is churning up things in me, like pride, and coveting, and it is also draining my time, it has become something that has enslaved me. Hmmm… what does God say about that? All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be enslaved by anything. 1 Corinthians 6:12. Facebook isn’t bad in and of itself. Facebook isn’t a sin for everyone; I am only speaking of me. For me, I abuse it. That abuse of it, the addiction to it is the sin, the idol it is, that is the sin. I make the excuse that there are so many good pages on there I follow that I get a scripture from so it is okay. Most of those pages I can subscribe to get emails so I can still read them and bypass Facebook. I say that my family cannot see pictures of SG if I am not on there and the WHOLE world can’t follow the cute antics of my 3 year old. That is unhealthy pride in me. As Luke 10:42 puts it, only ONE thing is necessary, for Mary has chose the good part, which shall not be taken away from her. Am I sitting at Christ’s feet when I am on Facebook? Am I humbly seeking His wisdom? No, I am exaulting myself and my child. Ouch that hurts. It hurts bad. Thank my loving God for showing me that He will hide nothing from me, it is all in His Word, which I can plainly read in the Bible, I don’t have to find it in snippets of scripture on a pretty flowery background on a blog post on Facebook. Those things are fine, but I should be spending more time in comprehensive Word. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 – All scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work. Again, friends, I am not saying those things are wrong for you, but I am addicted to Facebook, so they are wrong for me. I am not saying that down the road, Facebook might be healthy for me again, and a way to share Christ and the joy I have in Him, all I know is now, for the foreseeable future, I have been shown that being on Facebook is disobedience. Another loving act of God is that since I have been off Facebook this time, the desire for it has diminished. 1 Corinthians 10:13 – No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it. It seems so silly that I am talking about Facebook when I am speaking of this verse. It just proves that the things of this world can be sneaky, they can draw you in. Anything that is not done in moderation can become an addiction and an idol. Even a silly website.

I was reminded, so timely, by my pastor in his sermon this past week that my obedience isn’t MY good work, it is from the Holy Spirit and by God’s grace. Titus 2:11-12 For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all men, instructing us to deny ungodliness and worldly desires and to live sensibly, righteously and godly in the present age. I want my response to be, YES, I love you Lord, thank your for your instruction, YES to whatever you say. Sadly my response isn’t always that immediate but by God’s grace, He is working in me so that I am yielding to the Holy Sprit more. This is so hard to explain to a non believer but oh what joy to recognize this as a believer and to recognize it in other believers! I am not doing God a favor by obeying Him, I am not gaining more love from Him, I am not becoming more saved when I obey Him, but it is HIS gift to me! He wants what is best for me and by mercifully allowing me to abide in Him and receive the Holy Sprit to illuminate a passage of scripture that convicts my soul and shows me a sin I need to turn from and yield to the Holy Sprit in obedience, wow what a gift!!!

There is more irony, a wonderful story only God could write, about the word obedience. When I got married, before I was saved, I did not want the word “obey” in my vows. I was put off by that word. So much of society is put off by that word. It is a four letter word. I equated it to an animal, a dog, obeying its master. The difference in having your eyes opened is astounding. The fact that, THAT word was a point of contention for me almost ten years ago, and now I am writing about my LOVE for God showing me how to obey Him, is the hand of God. A miracle in my life. My disobedience was killing me, destroying me; I disobeyed every authority in my life then. I didn’t want any authority over me. To continue the wonderful story, the one ONLY God could write, guess what my first big test of faith was as a Christian? It was to obey God in submitting to an unbelieving spouse. I was saved half way into our almost ten year marriage. Several years ago my husband came to me, at the height of my yearning to know God more, at the time when I found a church home and was grounded in the Word and was for the first time ON FIRE for the Lord, my husband said he didn’t believe in God. Test. Refining. Buckle up. Here it comes. God wanted me to really turn to Him, to really rely only on Him and He gave me quite a shock to get my attention. Again, by His grace, His Word spoke exactly to my situation and told me what to do. Submit to your husband. Submit to ME, obey ME, by honoring your husband, EVEN when He doesn’t believe in Me. Proverbs 31:10 –An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. As stated above, 1 Corinthians 17:13 says to not send him away. 1 Peter 3 says to be submissive to him EVEN if he is disobedient so that my behavior speaks louder than any words I can say. Love, as so beautifully stated in 1 Corinthians 13:7 – bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Obedience is no longer a word I am uncomfortable saying. It is a word that to me, means love. It is also not about ME. It is first about God. 1 John 4:19 We love, because He first loved us. I want my response to God to be obedience so that I will cause “no hindrance to the gospel of Christ”. Romans 6:1-2 What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin so that grace may increase? May it never be! How shall we who died to sin still live in it? I want my testimony to be showered with the word obey because God will receive the glory for the work He is doing in a girl’s life who HATED the word obey. I want my daughter to know why obeying is a beautiful response to the greatest act of love. His love for us. Christ’s substitutionary atonement for my sin, the reconciling work Jesus did on the cross, the forgiveness of my absolute rejection of God, all of that, needs a response. The only response that is appropriate, obedience.

Sick

On By HollyIn God's Word, TrialLeave a comment

I’m sick today. Head cold, sinus infection kind of sick, stuffy nose, cough, weak and groggy. SG has been cooperative and played in my room; coloring, playing with dolls, watching movies. I was scheduled to work at 4:15 and was preparing myself for that by finding and praying scriptures that would give me the strength to get through a shift while sick. I had sent a message out this morning trying to get my shift picked up but no one replied. Unless you have a fever or pink eye or a doctors note you have to work. I prayed that God would help me keep my attitude positive and not let my sickness be an excuse to complain at work. I prayed Proverbs 3:5 trust in the Lord with all your heart; I prayed Psalm 34:4 I sought the Lord and He answered me; I prayed Romans 5:3-5 we also exult in our tribulations, knowing tribulations bring about perseverance, perseverance proven character, and proven character hope...; I prayed Philippians 4:6- be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God; and over and over I prayed Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. These aren’t scriptures just for “big” trials. God’s Word is for our daily trials, illnesses, attitudes, and inconveniences. His Word can counsel any situation and cover us in truth and the armor we need for any encounter and circumstance. As I was getting ready for work, I DID have peace. I wasn’t worried about how I was going to feel, I KNEW I would be okay. At 3:24, I got a call telling me I didn’t have to come in to work and that the managers would take care of it. Praise God! They NEVER do that. People have had to work before that were much sicker than me. God answered my prayer with deliverance! I have Colossians 3:23 on a notecard at work – Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve. I think the managers see that attitude in me and when I needed some compassion from them the Lord guided them to release me from this shift. He takes care of me. He brings me to trials to make sure my heart and attitude are right. He has given me these scriptures prior to this and they were able to comfort me and strengthen me. On top of that God gave me rest, one more day to rest before I have to work an even longer shift tomorrow. Praise God!! Our Lifegroup has been focusing on prayer that praises God and meditates on His goodness and not prayer that is just a checklist of wants and needs. Prayer that praises His Word, His goodness in every situation. This answered prayer today may not seem like a big deal to everyone, but to me it is one more example of His GREAT love for us. I don’t want to wait for just the “big” things to praise Him. He heals me daily, He delivers me daily, He astounds me daily with what is in His Word. Praise His Holy Name!!!

Fortifying Wall

On By HollyIn Unequally YokedLeave a comment

Encouragement – the action of giving someone support, confidence, or hope.

Just insert “faith” or “Christ” and this definition speaks to us as Christians. The action of giving someone support in faith, confidence in faith, or hope in Christ.

Synonyms: inspiration, motivation, fortification. Yes, fortification! What a perfect word for what I feel the encouragement of others does for me. A defensive wall or other reinforcement built to strengthen a place against attack. THAT is what sisters in Christ do for each other. THAT is why we must go to each other, open ourselves, be vulnerable, share our struggles, share our victories. God is encouraging us through each other.

After an especially hard day with SG Wednesday, I reached out to a few friends via text, and was immediately encouraged. Then at bible study the following day, I continued to receive advice, wisdom, direction, resources, and prayers for that particular incident. On the way home it struck me that I knew NONE of those women 2 years ago. Most of you have come into my life within the past year. God has showered me with a vast array of women to call on, to seek out, to fellowship with. Some of you I see weekly and that hug and smile I get from you is exactly why you were placed in my life. There are women in my life who are also in a spiritually unequal marriages. These friendships are examples of God showing me He understands, He will provide all I need, and that I am not alone. There are some of you Titus 2 women who provide me with much wisdom, who challenge me to see beyond my circumstance, who share with me lessons learned. Each speaker and leader at the M.O.M.S. bible study is speaking to a room full of women, not personally to me, but it IS personally received by me. Your words and guidance speak directly to me, guided by God’s Word, and you are up there for a purpose.

In August 2013 I wrote in my prayer journal about desiring godly women in my life. Women who knew the love of God, who were in the Word, women who I could talk about things with who could point me to what God says about it. Women who I could see as examples, Titus 2 women. Women who would welcome me in. Women who I could encourage as well. Some of you I don’t know well, but the interactions I do have with you still show me Christ working in your life. In the past year God has given me friends I meet with or communicate with regularly. We get in the Word, we talk about life, we talk about Jesus, we drink coffee; lots and lots of coffee! He has provided me with women who have children around SG’s age to engage in play dates and activities. He has provided me with women who have been through the adoption process. My sea of godly women in my life abounds! I want to write this down, my gratitude for that, so I do not take it for granted. I know many women don’t have that fortifying support. I am overwhelmed, that God saw my need, heard my prayer and began dropping women into my life, one by one. Filling up an ocean around me of life giving, faith building, , God ordained relationships.

The sweetest times, the times I am most encouraged, are when I am talking to a friend and you stop and ask to pray with me. At that moment, God spoke to your heart and said, “Child, stop. Your sister is in need. Cry out to Me, lift her up to Me, so that she is reminded I am all that she needs.” Yesterday one of you did that for me, and I felt God’s hand in that moment on my situation because He called you to speak to Him on my behalf. Praying for one another is the BEST gift we can give. Those of you that tell me you have been praying for my husband are treasured friends. Again, I didn’t know you a year ago, and God has gifted me with your prayers now.

Do you see??? Do you see all that God can do in one life, with one life. Your one life has affected mine. All of your lives have built a wall around me, fortifying me. A wall I didn’t have a year or so ago. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kind words, your prayers, your friendship, your guidance, your time, your intentionality, your obedience to God. I thank my God for each of you. I say that I am overwhelmed a lot but it is true. When I think of what God has decided to gift me with, how he came for me, rescued me, forgave me, and showers me with love, through His Word, through you, through trials, through His Son. Overwhelmed doesn’t begin to describe it.I pray I can be an encouragement and be a part of fortifying someone else!

Indescribable

On By HollyIn ParentingLeave a comment

I have been struggling with patience, mainly with SG. I have confessed this sin, pleaded for help with it. I have seen progress. I have felt God working in this area, but NOTHING like today. Wow, today WAS indescribable! So here goes my story, in hopes to encourage and exalt our mighty God for the riches He is bringing into my family and His Kingdom!

A friend gave me a series of DVDs by Louie Giglio (thank you Angela!). Today, I told SG we were going to watch a discussion about God’s creation. The first DVD called, Indescribable, basically explained and showed what Psalm 19:1 says – The heavens are telling the glory of God, and their expanse declares the work of His hands. It was a beautiful presentation of His galaxies, and universe, and His power and majesty. Also how grace and Christ are written all over it.

As you can imagine, since it wasn’t a cartoon, SG’s interest and attention weren’t long lasting. She started off good but became preoccupied with other things and I was okay with that until she got loud. I asked her to please play a little bit quieter because I wanted to finish the DVD. She looked at me and continued banging the bowl on the table loudly. I asked her to please listen to mommy and play quieter and after the movie we could be loud. Can you guess which choice she made? Still loud. Until….. on the DVD the images changed. Instead of him showing pictures from the Hubble and other space photos, a picture of Christ on the cross was displayed and filled up the screen. It was up there for a while as Louie Giglio read scripture. SG looked at the screen, stared at it for a while, and stopped. She looked at me and said, “Mommy I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you, I’ll be quiet, I love you.”

Tears formed, my heart skipped a beat, I was pierced. My girl SAW Christ. My girl was affected by Christ. In that moment, the literal image of Him, stopped her from her sin. What a profound example God gave me in that moment. I am to show her Christ daily by my actions, my words, my worship, my bible study. I am to put God’s words in her. I am to tell her of His great love for her. I try to do all of that, but I fail at it. With her especially, I lose my patience, I show frustration, I give her orders and want her to do what I say without always teaching her why. But God….but God! In that moment God showed my child Christ, and she was stopped, her heart turned to obedience. It was clear she was sincere.

Can you imagine how the rest of my day has gone?? Right after that I told her the verse I had memorized this week, Galations 2:20- I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who lived me and gave Himself up for me. I know I was supposed to memorize that scripture for that moment with my girl, it was a perfect way to show her what that image was she saw on the screen and what it means to turn away from sin and have Christ live in us. We spent an hour in her room singing, dancing, and praising God as we played the Vertical Church Band CD. Do you know what an encouragement it is to me to hear my girl singing at the top of her lungs “open up the heavens, we want to see you open up the floodgates, a mighty river flowing from our heart, filling every part of our praise!” God has been the center of our EVERYTHING today and we are filled up because of it!

She reminds me of the sweetness and love God pours on me. She reminds me of my weakness, but HIS strength. 2 Corinthians 12:9 – And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.He used her today to show me how to be the mother He has called me to be. SHOW.HER.CHRIST. Everyday, every part of the day, show her Christ. He also reminded me that she is HIS. Psalm 139:16- All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. He knows her, He reaches her, He is working on her. Just as He is working on me, He is planting seeds that are drawing her near to Him. I pray that she will grow to love God, to follow hard after Him, to accept Christ as her Savior. Today gave me a glimpse of that, and was a powerful work in me and an answered prayer to my parenting and patience struggles. Victory! Our work in our children is not in vain. 1 Corinthians 15:57-58 – but thanks be to God who gives us victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord.

INDESCRIBABLE!

She Does Him Good

On By HollyIn Sanctification, Unequally YokedLeave a comment

I am doing a bible study on Respectable Sins and I was heavily convicted when I left bible study this morning. My mind was churning as I was planning out how I was going to carve out some time to sit with hubby, one on one, and apologize to him. My impatience, irritability, and anger are targeted at him 99% of the time. I have such a great love for him, as you know, I brag on what a great husband he is all the time. Yet, I say those words to you, but don’t always go home to him and make him feel like the man he is. So leaving bible study this morning I knew I had to go to him and ask for his forgiveness.

I get in my car, call him, and drive towards my mom’s to pick up SG. I tell him that my bible study this morning was really hard in the sense that it showed me some ugly things about myself. He stopped me and asked me if I would meet him for lunch so we could talk about it. He said we should take this chance while SG is with Nana, and have a lunch together before our busy routine gets underway due to his fall semester starting up and our usual season of not seeing each other much. I was thrilled with his invite and knew this was the opportunity God was giving me to have some alone time with him to confess and ask for forgiveness.

We meet at Olive Garden and I start talking. I told him that I am aware that as my husband, I should treat him better than any other human being, and that in my heart I want to, but that my selfishness, and pride, and SIN prevent me from doing that. I asked him to forgive me and told him that I was committed to working on this above all else. I know God is showing me this is more important than any other mentoring or card ministry I have. I send cards out to encourage others, to brighten their day, to shine God’s love on them, yet how many notes or cards do you think I have given my husband in the past year? Maybe one for his birthday.

Do you know what my husband’s response was? He said I needed to give myself some credit, he said I am much better than I used to be. HE NOTICED! How many times have I felt frustrated that he wasn’t seeing a change in me, from the person I was before I was saved, to now.  How many times have I felt like he wasn’t giving me the credit I was DUE. Well guess what? God spoke to me loud and clear, God deserves the credit not me. My pride was seeking out approval and praise from my husband. When I finally humbled myself, and went to my husband with sincerity, asking for his forgiveness, THAT is when the Lord blessed me with the sweet response from my husband.

Needless to say we had a wonderful lunch, I didn’t nag once 🙂 I read him the Proverbs 31:10-12 passage and told him that was my desire, my commitment to him. He said that was a really nice verse!

Proverbs 31:10-12 – An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil, all the days of her life.

My husband still doesn’t believe in God, but God is still in the center of our marriage. God is teaching me how to back off, to raise my husband up, to encourage him, to lift him up, and do him good, not evil. In doing so, God is blessing our marriage so beautifully. I am so in love with him. I no longer want to describe myself as spiritually single, because God is my portion. God provides everything I need in my husband. So there is no part of me that is “single”. That puts a cloud over my marriage that isn’t true. I am fully committed to hubby, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. He may not read devotions with me or go to church or pray with me, but when I need his support in my walk with the Lord, my husband IS there. He came to my baptism, he supports my church financially, he attends functions and wants to know my church friends. I am NOT spiritually single. I am exactly where God wants me to be.

 

Ask and it will be Given to You

On By HollyIn God's Word, Unequally YokedLeave a comment

2 Corinthians 4:18 – while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.

1John 2:15, 17 – Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him…The world is passing away, and also its lust; but the one who does the will of God lives forever.

1 John 5:21 – Little children, guard yourselves from idols.

At times (more than I would like to admit), I look for my value in “likes” and comments on Facebook . I look for my value in how many compliments my husband gives me. I look for my value in the number of vegetables SG eats. The greatest of these false values and idols I have is Facebook. While I have taken it off my phone and feel like progress IS being made, there are still desires to pop on the computer and check it when I think I have a spare moment.

Last night and this morning, I had a victory over this. After  a discussion in Lifegroup last night and my prayers to the Lord to guide and direct me in my Bible reading, I picked up my bible when I got home last night. I don’t usually read the Bible in bed at night (one of the few times I feel like I could get a lot of reading done) because I don’t want to make my husband feel uncomfortable. But last night I realized this; The Lord has placed me in a spiritually unequal marriage. He also wants me to read my bible. So I need to let go of my “hiding” and trying to be so protective of him in regards to my Bible studies. He knows I believe in God. He knows I read the Bible. So he SHOULD see me reading it, otherwise he is not seeing me follow up on my beliefs. I see him doing math studies because he is a math teacher. So he can see me doing Bible study because I am a daughter of the King!

So, I picked up my Bible and prayer journal and picked up where I left off in Genesis.(instead of grapping by phone and checking Facebook) And guess what?! My husband just went to sleep. No big deal. While I was reading I was enjoying what I was learning. And I went to bed thanking God for doing exactly what I asked about last night. How quickly He delivered! I learned that Genesis ends with Joseph dyeing. That is just one of the little things I learned but it is starting to sink in, it is starting to seem less overwhelming. This morning I was hungry for it even more. So I started Exodus over breakfast. Then hubby and SG when to clean up the car which left me with some more alone time to read further. Another moment to thank God for! My excuse of not having time is not true. If I ask for it, God will show me those little moments I can do some reading. Proverbs 8:17 – I love those who love me; and those who diligently seek me will find me.

It isn’t just about the history either, which was my goal when starting to read the Old Testament. I want to get a better background and understanding of the timelines, authors, etc.. As I am reading I am getting so much more though. Learning about Moses and his insecurities about speaking hit home to me. Exodus 4:10 – Please, Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither recently nor in time past, nor since You have spoken to Your servant; for I am slow of speech and slow of tongue.” I SO relate to this. I feel like I can only communicate effectively when I write and when I actually speak it is all wrong. But God’s answer? Exodus 4:11 -“Who has made man’s mouth?…Now then go, and I, even, I will be with your mouth and teach you what you are to say.” 

THAT is the power of the Word. While I was searching for “history” God taught me something that I can personally relate to. How marvelous is that ??!! He also showed me more of who He is which draws me closer to Him. Studying the Bible should be about Him and my relationship with Him, not just a history lesson.  That is what His Word can do.

Lord depend my desire and earning for your Word, for YOU!  It is far more important that any book or any website. It is living and active as Hebrews states, but we must OPEN it to bring it alive.

BBQ

On By HollyIn Unequally YokedLeave a comment

I’m not sure if I am going to be able to adequately express myself with this keyboard but I am going to try. I am filled with so much praise and thanksgiving for the gift the Lord gave me yesterday in having my husband attend the BBQ fundraiser. To be able to fellowship with him, at my church home, with my church family, still brings tears to my eyes. Tears of gratitude for the afternoon the Lord ordained for all of this to fall into place.

I am so happy the lunch benefited the youth and that I was able to help be a part of that. But to me the lunch was so much more than that. It was the day my husband walked into the church building, nervous I am sure, afraid of others seeing him as a “heathen” as he jokingly calls himself sometimes, and instead was greeted with no judgment. Matthew 7:1 – Do not judge so that you will not be judged. He was greeted with smiling faces, who gave of their time and talents for this event to take place, serving him food and graciously doing so. Romans 12:13 – contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality. Those that engaged him in conversation did so with genuine interest in him, instead of approaching him with pointed questions of his faith, which would have turned him off. Hebrews 13:1-3 – Let love of the brethren continue. Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it. Remember the prisoners, as though in prison with them. My husband is a prisoner right know. I don’t know if he saw it as anything other than a BBQ because he is blind right now but God can turn that around! I have faith in God’s plan, whatever it is. Isaiah 42:7 – To open blind eyes, To bring out prisoners from the dungeon, And those who dwell in darkness from prison.

God’s Word teaches us what to do, in every situation, even a BBQ. Because His good and faithful servants read His word and responded to it by not judging, but loving and being hospitable, my family was greatly blessed. He was able to not only speak to each of the pastors, but he met many of my good friends who encourage me weekly and he was treated as my husband and a friend, not as an outcast or someone who didn’t belong.

It may have been a BBQ lunch on paper plates and pavement, but to me it was the best date I could have had with him. I do not take it for granted, the sweet renewal God gave me yesterday, assuring me I am in the right place. He has assured me that the greatest ministry I can be a part of, for the Kingdom and for Harvest, is the ministry to my husband, the time and love that I can give him is my greatest outreach and calling. I again am in awe of all God has lined up for me, in letting me be a part of the Ambassadors Ministry, sending cards from home, so my time isn’t taken away from my husband. He is SO good to me! Psalm 13:5-6 – But I have trusted in your faithful love; my heart will rejoice in your deliverance. I will sing to the Lord because he has treated me generously.

Matthew 5:16 -Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven. Thank you Harvest family, for being that light that shown so bright.

 

Never Alone

On By HollyIn Trial1 Comment

Last night I was robbed at gunpoint at the restaurant I work at. It is one of those things that falls under the category of “that will never happen to me”. It happened. I still cannot believe it happened. The range of emotions from the moment I saw the gun, until now have flooded my body with adrenaline and hormones. I have settled now into a place of calm mentally but my body is physically still catching up as I have a knot in my stomach that won’t go away. But as John 16:33 states – These things I have spoken to you so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage, I have overcome the world.

I have been surrounded by scripture today and I feel secure and safe in God’s hands. God gave me the strength to get through those moments with a calm presence – Psalm 31:24 – Be strong and let your heart take courage all who hope in the Lord- and a clear mind – Isaiah 41:13 – For I am the Lord your God, who upholds your right hand, who says to you, “Do not fear, I will help you.”

When the man entered the building he encountered two female employees at the bar first and ushered them into the kitchen where I was coming out of the office. He asked who the manager was, and I told him it was me, and he told us to get in the office. When I saw the gun my first thought was, I might die tonight, but if I do it will be okay. John 5:24 – Truly, truly, I say to you, he who hears My word, and believes Him who sent Me, has eternal life, and does not come into judgment but has passed out of death into life.

In my mind I went straight to prayer with God, just a simple, “Lord I need you, be with me please”. I was able to calmly talk to the man and to calm down the employee who was crying and distraught. I just said, it is going to be okay, he doesn’t want to hurt us, he just wants the money, calm down, it is going to be okay, no one is going to get hurt. I was able to quickly give him the money from the drawers in the safe and put it into a bag. The whole incident from the time he walked in until the time he left only lasted three or four minutes.  I have gone through this scenario before in mind.. Since I work as a restaurant manager, we are trained on what to do. Always give them the money as quick as possible and don’t put up a fight.  Going through this scenario in mind before through didn’t prepare me for the emotions and feelings during the actual event.  My calm didn’t come from any other source except my Lord. Exodus 14:14 – The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still. I praise God for giving me that stillness in those moments.

After he left we locked the office door and started making phone calls. I called 911 while one of the girls tried to call the cooks who were still in the building who had no idea what had just happened. I wanted to make sure they didn’t encounter the man and get hurt. We couldn’t reach the cooks by phone so I went out of the office and found the cooks and told them we had just been robbed.. The instinct of those protective boys sent them running to try to find the gunman, but I told them not to go outside or try to find him, to stay here with us. Another blessing the Lord orchestrated I believe is that those cooks weren’t aware of what was going on. Because being the protective guys that they are, they may have tried to do something heroic which could have gotten someone hurt. Romans 8:28 – And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

Today after much prayer, scripture reading, and reaching out to a few close friends who I knew would pray for me, I am turning my thoughts toward the man who did this. What must HE be feeling today? He is probably more distraught than we are. What happened in his life to get him to this point? He repeatedly said he was sorry. I don’t know if he will ever be caught. I don’t really care honestly. I DO hope and pray that he will be lead to the Lord soon. God has given me a soft heart towards him. Ephesians 4:31-32 – All bitterness, anger and wrath, insult and slander must be removed from you, along with all wickedness. And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ. This scripture is not about the robber’s wickedness to be removed it is about MY need to not hold bitterness or anger toward him and to forgive him, which I have. The Holly four years ago would not have reacted this way. But now I have seen the greatest example of love and forgiveness from my Savior.

I pray and will continue to pray for this man. He was nervous and scared I’m sure, and today he is probably contemplating a lot. He is probably reviewing last night’s events play by play just as I am today. Yet I doubt his conclusions are the same as mine. My thoughts lead me to this scripture which  is one of the scriptures that popped in my head last night during this ordeal. Jeremiah 29:11 – For I know the plans I have for you – this is the Lord’s declaration – plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Oh how I hope this man will come to know what that feels like. Because I don’t think he feels like he has much hope or a future. I pray that he will repent just as I need to daily – Psalm 51:1-4 – Be gracious to me , O God, according to your loving kindness; according to the greatness of your compassion. Blot out my transgressions and my sin. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity and cleanse me from my sins. For I know my transgressions And my sin is ever before me. Against you, you only, I have sinned And done what is evil in your sight, So that you are justified when you speak and blameless when you judge.

When I finally left the restaurant after hours sitting inside with police and detectives and dealing with the home office and bosses, I sat in my car and turned on the radio. The song that was playing was Be Near. Just that one line, “be near O God be near” I repeated over and over and what a comfort it was! Even in the song choice of the radio station at that moment showed God’s hand in ALL of this. He was there the whole time and will continue to be there for me and anyone else who reaches out to Him. Grow your relationship with God, do it now! He loves us and His words and His guidance are all we need. The money that man took might as well have been toilet paper, because it is worthless. Those pieces of paper don’t matter. How we live our life for God’s glory matters. How we accept Jesus as our Savior matters. God is sovereign over it all and the more we gaze at him instead of gazing at our “problems” the more we will be enriched with his love and mercy and grace!