Now I See

I remember vividly what it was like to be blind. When life threw a curveball, when there was a decision to be made, when a devastating event happened, and in just the day to day life happenings, I turned to my feelings to guide me. Like a blind man using his cane to feel the world around him, I put my feelings out there, like a stick poking around, trying to determine my next step. If I FEEL this way or that, then surely that is enough to guide me into the right direction and decision. If I FEEL this anger, hurt, rage, temptation, lust, that must validate the actions I can take towards the person or event that caused it. These blind assumptions led me to no good. Being led by my feelings, for 15 of my adult years, resulted in abuse of alcohol and drugs, allowing horrible relationships to manifest and continue, misery at work, a marriage almost ruined, an arrest record, and a torn apart heart and soul because I just didn’t know which way to turn. When I finally stopped kicking and screaming against it, and yielded to what I was made for, the reason I even exist, and confessed that Jesus is Lord and put my belief and faith in HIM, my eyes were opened! Around six years ago, God removed the diseased vision I was looking through and replaced it with a whole, clean, clear view of His creation, including myself. “Then the eyes of the blind will be opened And the ears of the deaf will be unstopped.”Isaiah‬ ‭35:5‬.‬‬

I knew about God before this, I at one point even called myself a Christian but I DID NOT COMPREHEND. “In Him was life, and the life was the Light of men. The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.”John‬ ‭1:4-5‬‬. I grew further and further away from the idea of God because I didn’t understand it. If I couldn’t understand it, rationalize it or make it fit into the world I wanted to live, then it must not be true or real. I remember trying to read the Old Testament at one point and just truly didn’t see the point. This boring stuff has no merit or value in my life. It just shows a mean God who punished people. Oh what a glorious gift God gave me when He opened my eyes to the revelation of His truths. The Old Testament now MAKES SENSE and is a beautiful picture of our Savior coming. I have grown more in my faith while studying the Old Testament than any other part of the Bible. When you see THE WHOLE STORY and not just snippets of it, when you see this glorious book that uses foreshadowing, and prophecy, stories of God’s endless patience and faithfulness, and beautiful language and images that point to Christ, when you “get it” it is just magnificent. I love reading a passage and now knowing it is showing God’s love to us not His vengeance and wrath against us. For my eyes have seen Your salvation, Which You have prepared in the presence of all peoples, A LIGHT OF REVELATION TO THE GENTILES, And the glory of Your people Israel.”Luke‬ ‭2:30-32‬.

The Bible gives me wisdom in making decisions. Timeless wisdom from a true and perfect God who has never made a mistake. THAT is who I want to learn from, not my own feelings and advice from magazines or emotionally driven sources.  The Bible gives me peace in all circumstances. Difficult times, confusing times, sad times, in all of it I am comforted by the peace and hope I find in God’s Word. It is in me, in my mind, in my heart and soul, so that there is not a circumstance I face now that will result in me feeling “hopeless”.

Although my eyes are opened, I am no longer blinded, and I see the great light that now over powers the darkness, I can still be tempted to put on sunglasses. My flesh, the part of me that isn’t wholly glorified yet in Christ-likeness, can still want to cover up the light. To dim it, by going back to my worldly view. This manifests itself by my temptation to go back to being led by feelings. Why would I want to to cover up the clear vision, the bright light of love and wisdom that shines from knowing Christ and His redemptive work in my life?! It is because I can so easily forget what being blind was like. I forget and want to drag myself back to the dark empty room, feeling my way around, poking my feelings around, trying to justify my actions. Let me never forget!!! Let me never put on sunglasses again that dim what has dawned! I am so grateful for God’s Word and the power it has. I recently was tempted to draw on feelings and you know what happened? God’s Word flooded my mind. Scriptures came to mind that I said out loud, and that cleansed my mind, restored my sight, and God was glorified for the power of His Word!

Can you image what it was like for the blind man who was healed? When He entered the house, the blind men came up to Him, and Jesus said to them, “Do you believe that I am able to do this?’” They said to Him, “Yes, Lord.” Then He touched their eyes, saying, “It shall be done to you according to your faith.” And their eyes were opened.Matthew‬ ‭9:28-29a‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬. We don’t have to imagine, if we are a Christian, we know! May we never forget that miraculous truth and may we always remember the stark difference from darkness to having our eyes opened and walking in the brilliant light of Jesus Christ. ‬

 

Respectable Sin

Oh friends, I just have to share what happened yesterday. So much so that SG is on the couch watching a movie so I can have this time to write! So let’s see if I can get this done before the movie is over…

I decided to try out the Killing Sin Worksheet from the Well conference that my LG leader shared with me since I wasn’t able to attend. I wasn’t sure what sin I was going to write down until I sat down and prayed about it and God began to open my eyes to an area I wasn’t even focusing on. I wrote “I need to put to death the sin of belittling my husband and second guessing his work and parenting decision.” Then, it happened. The floodgates opened from His Word and God laid out a step by step plan of how He was going to conquer this sin in me. It is so good, HE is so good. The passages He used to convict me and even the order of how I read them was a perfect plan of how to accomplish this. Amazing!

First I read Proverbs 21:23, one of the first scriptures I memorized, He who guards His mouth and his tongue, guards his soul from trouble. After my confession my soul WAS troubled. It was deeply torn apart about what I was doing to my husband under the guise of “helping” him. I wasn’t helping, I was tearing him down each time I gave “advice” or my opinion that came from a prideful spirit and not a humble spirit. I wasn’t speaking harshly or out of anger so I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong. But God!!! He opened my eyes to this sin that I commit with my mouth and reminded me to guard it closely and for me it boils down to… listen more, talk less.

The second verse was Ephesians 4:29 – Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment so that it will give grace to those who hear. I know this verse well too, but this time when I read it I was reminded of how God had cleansed unwholesome words from my mouth before. I used to have a filthy mouth. A vulgar, dirty, mouth. Once God brought me to salvation that was a big change He did in me. Those words are no longer a part of my vocabulary, they don’t even come to my mind and when I hear them at work they make me cringe. Most people at work try to be respectful of me and not say things around me but I still hear it every day. The fact that they are offensive to me now just shows the POWERFUL cleansing God can do and will do in ALL areas we give to him. So the way I was speaking to my husband when we talked about his work or issues with our daughter was not edifying and were not necessarily needed for the moment. But God!!! He can and will cleanse me from that. So step two in the plan is ask myself, are these words needed in this moment and to ask God to remove all the words from my mouth that are not good for my husband just as He removed all of the filthy words from my mouth I used to say.

Verse three is 1 Peter 3:1 – In the same way you wives be submissive to your own husband so that even if any of them are disobedient to the Word, they may be won without a word, by the behavior of their wives. The Holy Spirit is so powerful, because I again, knew this verse well but yesterday was shown a whole new part of the word “submissive”. I need to be submissive minute by minute, not just in the big decisions. I need to be submissive about all aspects of our marriage by my attitude of humility. I wanted to be submissive except in the areas I felt I was better. Pride. Oh the damage pride can do in a heart. I was being rebellious, the opposite of submissive. I thought I was being submissive because I wasn’t badgering him about our spiritual differences. I wasn’t trying to change him, so I thought. But around every corner I was there to second guess his decision and let him know all I thought about what he SHOULD be doing instead. How he made a sandwich, how he fed the dog, how he dressed SG, his relationship with his boss, his relationship with his students, when he should be on his computer, when the TV should be on, what he left in the car, what he forgot to do, so many things I point out to him about what I think he needs to do differently. The biggest area I can show my submission to my husband is how I speak to him and support his decisions and when it is time for me to help in a decision or give some insight it HAS to be done prayerfully and with God guiding my words, not letting my flesh guide me and spitting out all that I want to say.

The last verse Proverbs 31:10-12 – An excellent wife who can find: For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. THIS is the sweet promise I received yesterday. If I follow God’s plan He has promised that my husband will have “no lack of gain”. And that I will do him “good and not evil all the days of my life”. I thought this was my desire before, I thought I was living that out, but I was so off the mark. I thank God for giving me this new desire. I WANT to do my husband good and not evil. I WANT him to have no lack of gain and God has opened my eyes on how to do that, truly. I have often described my husband as the best unbeliever there is. He supports me in many ways that a lot of husbands don’t in spiritually unequal marriages. That is a gift from God. But even though I say our marriage is good I think I am really thinking, “it is good enough”. For the situation I am in it is good enough. In spite of our spiritual differences it is good enough. Compared to others in my situation who have it a lot worse, it is good enough. But God!!! Yesterday after confessing sin, asking him for nothing except forgiveness what He gave me was a promise of MORE! He has so much more for my marriage than just “good”. If I follow His plan He has shown me that He has something far greater waiting for me and my husband. What a loving God we have. When I thought that we were in a good place and I had settled in to this place in our marriage God said, oh no dear child, you just wait and see what I have in store for you. My submission to my husband is submission to God. That is what I desire more than anything, even if I receive nothing. But God still continues to give and give and give blessings to me. Why me God?? Why are you so good to me?? You are so good to me and shower me with blessing and goodness and always bring my perspective back in focus when I have wandered. The answer to why He is so good to me is because He is God. A perfect Father. A perfect example of love.

After this encounter I could only do one thing. Get down on the ground on my knees with my head down worshipping God. I sang the chorus to one of my new favorite songs, “Holy Spirit you are welcome here, come flood this place and fill the atomosphere, Your glory God is what our hearts long for to be overcome by your presence Lord.” I was overcome by His presence. It was a glorious afternoon of worship and tears as on offering to God and other than the words of the song all I could say was thank you God, thank you Father.

If we confess our sins He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

It is Finished

Lighten Darkness Light Clouds Sky Cross Dark Nature Wallpaper Ios 7Today is the day before Christ was crucified 1,982 years ago. Circumstances played out today that remind me of how much I need that saving day. Today has been a meltdown of epic proportions in parenting. Today I have felt confused, at a loss, not confident. I have felt broken, vulnerable and overwhelmed. I have felt guilt and fear. I have let myself sink into a spot of deep muddy water, a mire of doubt. I have been greatly humbled today and at more than one time was brought to my knees in tears, crying out to God for direction and help. I think you are clear on how my day has gone.

I came upon this scripture after I wrote this and LOVE the words God led me to that delivered so perfectly His love and understanding to me and I prayed the same idea behind this prayer before I read it. Amazing.

I have sunk in deep mire, and there is no foothold; I have come into deep waters, and a flood overflows me. I am weary with my crying; my throat is parched; My eyes fail while I wait for my God…But as for me, my prayer is to You, O Lord, at an acceptable time; O God, in the greatness of Your lovingkindness, Answer me with your saving truth. Deliver me from the mire and do not let me sink; May I be delivered from my foes and from the deep waters. May the flood of water not overflow me nor the pit shut its mouth on me. Answer me, O Lord, for Your lovingkindness is good; According to the greatness of Your compassion, turn to me, And do not hide Your face from Your servant, For I am in distress; answer me quickly. Psalm 69:2-3.13-17.

The key words to me in this are “your saving truth”. His truths are ALWAYS the answers I need.

Tomorrow marks the day that Christ took care of all that I experienced today. Tomorrow marks the day that enables me to even go to God for help, that I am even allowed the privilege of being in His presence. We celebrate the remembrance, tomorrow at 8 a.m., of the three words that changed the world, and me, forever; “It is finished.” He took all my doubt, guilt, fear, confusion, self-consciousness, anxiety, all of my sin, and he carried it for me. He took it up on the cross; he nailed it to the cross and said it is no longer yours to carry. Tomorrow reminds me there is no self-righteous judgment on me from man or law but perfect righteousness cleansing me. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9. Tomorrow reminds me there is no mistake that can condemn me for life, there is only forgiveness.

Today was a “dark” day for me. But what is the good news? There is light!! Three days following his death Christ rose from the dead. He took my sin, he died for it, but he conquered it. He now lives in me, the Holy Spirit guiding me, and this day of darkness in my life will be conquered, the sun will rise again. Now the God of peace who brought up from the dead the great Shepherd of the sheep through the blood of the eternal covenant, even Jesus our Lord, equip you in every good thing to do His will, working in us that which is pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be the glory forever and ever, Amen. Hebrews 13:20-21. I will not be defeated because I have the fountain of living water in me, it is not muddy, it is not a mire, it is clean and pure and full of knowledge and wisdom and love. The scriptures God has taken me to, the power of going to Him in prayer, and the words I am writing out now, have already brought light to my day. Oh that I would remember immediately, so that there is no amount of time I languish.

I praise God that He ministered to me so quickly and answered my prayer. At first I was praying for my daughter to be changed, “change her heart”, but then quickly saw I needed to pray “change ME Lord”, and He did! This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests which we have asked from Him. 1 John 5:14-15 What I really needed was perspective and to be gently nudged to loosen my grip on the control I thought I had and see that only His strength and His ways and His guidance are what controls my life and His sovereign plan is what I must yield to and rest in when raising a 3 and a half year old. I also must remember only HE knows her fully and only HE created her so I MUST go to Him for help BEFORE I get to the point of my muddy mire.

I also realized, after all the battles today, that today is the one year anniversary of when I was held up at gunpoint. Read about that here. Maybe I have emotions tied into that today, only God knows, but it is another beautiful reminder to look back and see ALL he has carried me through and to know and believe He will continue to carry me through every single day ahead. When I stop myself, when I take every thought captive, I do thrive in the great joy of knowing God and receiving His love. It has been a while since I have had a day like today where I let myself dig a deep hole of self-pity. It is NOT all about me; it is ALL about Him, my King, My Lord. I am thankful God used that to humble me, to draw me close to Him, and it couldn’t have come at a better time; the day before the anniversary of the wonderful words, It is finished John 19:30.

I was able to speak to my husband about the importance of tomorrow morning for me. I spoke to him about the sermon from last week and the history my pastor shared with us and told him Friday at 8 a.m. was the 1,982 anniversary of Christ saying “it is finished”. His replied,  “Where would you like to be tomorrow at that time, I know it is important to you and I’ll watch SG if you want some alone time”. I am amazed at the way God softens my husband’s heart to support me in the things that are not important to him. What a blessing from the Lord that he would allow my husband to honor me and honor HIM in that way. The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassion never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23. Thank you Lord for every provision and for every blessing and for every testing you put in my path. You are true and faithful and good!

My day started off dark but nothing compared to what Christ went through. Because he went through that, for me, my Savior, I am filled once again with hope and joy and my head is up worshiping my Lord instead of gazing down at my “problems”. Oh and they seem so silly and small now compared to what so many others are going through. They are my battles to overcome and they are in God’s hands, the hands He uses to mold me for His glory!

 

Obedience

Obedience

Then the Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great on the earth, and that every intent of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. The Lord said “I will blot out man whom I have created from the face of the land, from man to animals to creeping things and to birds of the sky; for I am sorry that I have made them.” But Noah found favor in the eyes of the Lord. Genesis 6:5-8

But I will establish My covenant with you; and you shall enter the ark- you and your sons and your wife and your sons’ wives with you. Genesis 6:18

Then the Lord said to Noah, “Enter the ark, you and all your household, for you alone I have seen to be righteous before Me in this time. Genesis 7:1

Noah did according to all that the Lord had commanded him. Genesis 7:5

The rain fell upon the earth for forty days and forty nights. On the very same day Noah and Shem and Ham and Japeth, the sons of Noah, and Noah’s wife and the three wives and his sons with them entered the ark,. Genesis 7:12-13

Thus He blotted out every living thing that was upon the face of the land, from man to animals to creeping things and to birds of the sky and they were blotted out from the earth; and only Noah was left, together with those that were with him in the ark. Genesis 7:23

I read the story of Noah and the flood a month ago and was overwhelmingly struck with a part of the story that had never resonated with me so strongly before; Noah’s obedience saved his family. I KNEW that intellectually, but this time when I read it the Holy Spirit showed me God’s words and they hit me right to my core. He has been pressing in on me about obedience to Him, and used Noah to really make it clear. How many times in the bible does God say “and your descendants” or “your sons”, or “your children” when describing our relationship with obedience and God and His love and concern for passing that down to our family. In just a VERY quick survey of the scriptures I found 11 examples of this, which only took me a minute so I know there is more. Now I am not saying that my obedience to God will make my daughter a Christian, but I do believe living in the home of a believer puts her under the influence of someone who has the Holy Spirit guiding me, to show her Christ, and THAT is the example I want for her. 1 Corinthians 17:13-14 And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. This was one of the first scriptures God showed me for guidance in my marriage to a pre-believer ( my affectionate term for my husband who doesn’t believe in God).

One of the pearls of wisdom I have received during this lesson in obedience is this; Sin can have its affects for many years to come on us and those around us and to think about what sin does to the testimony of God’s name. This came from a wise Titus 2 woman from my MOMS group. My disobedience, my making excuses, my rationalizing what my flesh wants, my comparing what I am doing to someone else, all of that SIN, has an affect on not only me but my descendants! The obedience word, the reason it originally came up, the reason I have been “schooled” in this area by God is because of something so silly; Facebook. I have done every one of the above mentioned things, rationalizing, making excuses, etc…but God has made it clear, in MANY, MANY scriptures that, right now, Facebook is off limits for me, it just isn’t good for me. It is churning up things in me, like pride, and coveting, and it is also draining my time, it has become something that has enslaved me. Hmmm… what does God say about that? All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be enslaved by anything. 1 Corinthians 6:12. Facebook isn’t bad in and of itself. Facebook isn’t a sin for everyone; I am only speaking of me. For me, I abuse it. That abuse of it, the addiction to it is the sin, the idol it is, that is the sin. I make the excuse that there are so many good pages on there I follow that I get a scripture from so it is okay. Most of those pages I can subscribe to get emails so I can still read them and bypass Facebook. I say that my family cannot see pictures of SG if I am not on there and the WHOLE world can’t follow the cute antics of my 3 year old. That is unhealthy pride in me. As Luke 10:42 puts it, only ONE thing is necessary, for Mary has chose the good part, which shall not be taken away from her. Am I sitting at Christ’s feet when I am on Facebook? Am I humbly seeking His wisdom? No, I am exaulting myself and my child. Ouch that hurts. It hurts bad. Thank my loving God for showing me that He will hide nothing from me, it is all in His Word, which I can plainly read in the Bible, I don’t have to find it in snippets of scripture on a pretty flowery background on a blog post on Facebook. Those things are fine, but I should be spending more time in comprehensive Word. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 – All scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work. Again, friends, I am not saying those things are wrong for you, but I am addicted to Facebook, so they are wrong for me. I am not saying that down the road, Facebook might be healthy for me again, and a way to share Christ and the joy I have in Him, all I know is now, for the foreseeable future, I have been shown that being on Facebook is disobedience. Another loving act of God is that since I have been off Facebook this time, the desire for it has diminished. 1 Corinthians 10:13 – No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it. It seems so silly that I am talking about Facebook when I am speaking of this verse. It just proves that the things of this world can be sneaky, they can draw you in. Anything that is not done in moderation can become an addiction and an idol. Even a silly website.

I was reminded, so timely, by my pastor in his sermon this past week that my obedience isn’t MY good work, it is from the Holy Spirit and by God’s grace. Titus 2:11-12 For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all men, instructing us to deny ungodliness and worldly desires and to live sensibly, righteously and godly in the present age. I want my response to be, YES, I love you Lord, thank your for your instruction, YES to whatever you say. Sadly my response isn’t always that immediate but by God’s grace, He is working in me so that I am yielding to the Holy Sprit more. This is so hard to explain to a non believer but oh what joy to recognize this as a believer and to recognize it in other believers! I am not doing God a favor by obeying Him, I am not gaining more love from Him, I am not becoming more saved when I obey Him, but it is HIS gift to me! He wants what is best for me and by mercifully allowing me to abide in Him and receive the Holy Sprit to illuminate a passage of scripture that convicts my soul and shows me a sin I need to turn from and yield to the Holy Sprit in obedience, wow what a gift!!!

There is more irony, a wonderful story only God could write, about the word obedience. When I got married, before I was saved, I did not want the word “obey” in my vows. I was put off by that word. So much of society is put off by that word. It is a four letter word. I equated it to an animal, a dog, obeying its master. The difference in having your eyes opened is astounding. The fact that, THAT word was a point of contention for me almost ten years ago, and now I am writing about my LOVE for God showing me how to obey Him, is the hand of God. A miracle in my life. My disobedience was killing me, destroying me; I disobeyed every authority in my life then. I didn’t want any authority over me. To continue the wonderful story, the one ONLY God could write, guess what my first big test of faith was as a Christian? It was to obey God in submitting to an unbelieving spouse. I was saved half way into our almost ten year marriage. Several years ago my husband came to me, at the height of my yearning to know God more, at the time when I found a church home and was grounded in the Word and was for the first time ON FIRE for the Lord, my husband said he didn’t believe in God. Test. Refining. Buckle up. Here it comes. God wanted me to really turn to Him, to really rely only on Him and He gave me quite a shock to get my attention. Again, by His grace, His Word spoke exactly to my situation and told me what to do. Submit to your husband. Submit to ME, obey ME, by honoring your husband, EVEN when He doesn’t believe in Me. Proverbs 31:10 –An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. As stated above, 1 Corinthians 17:13 says to not send him away. 1 Peter 3 says to be submissive to him EVEN if he is disobedient so that my behavior speaks louder than any words I can say. Love, as so beautifully stated in 1 Corinthians 13:7 – bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Obedience is no longer a word I am uncomfortable saying. It is a word that to me, means love. It is also not about ME. It is first about God. 1 John 4:19 We love, because He first loved us. I want my response to God to be obedience so that I will cause “no hindrance to the gospel of Christ”. Romans 6:1-2 What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin so that grace may increase? May it never be! How shall we who died to sin still live in it? I want my testimony to be showered with the word obey because God will receive the glory for the work He is doing in a girl’s life who HATED the word obey. I want my daughter to know why obeying is a beautiful response to the greatest act of love. His love for us. Christ’s substitutionary atonement for my sin, the reconciling work Jesus did on the cross, the forgiveness of my absolute rejection of God, all of that, needs a response. The only response that is appropriate, obedience.

She Does Him Good

I am doing a bible study on Respectable Sins and I was heavily convicted when I left bible study this morning. My mind was churning as I was planning out how I was going to carve out some time to sit with hubby, one on one, and apologize to him. My impatience, irritability, and anger are targeted at him 99% of the time. I have such a great love for him, as you know, I brag on what a great husband he is all the time. Yet, I say those words to you, but don’t always go home to him and make him feel like the man he is. So leaving bible study this morning I knew I had to go to him and ask for his forgiveness.

I get in my car, call him, and drive towards my mom’s to pick up SG. I tell him that my bible study this morning was really hard in the sense that it showed me some ugly things about myself. He stopped me and asked me if I would meet him for lunch so we could talk about it. He said we should take this chance while SG is with Nana, and have a lunch together before our busy routine gets underway due to his fall semester starting up and our usual season of not seeing each other much. I was thrilled with his invite and knew this was the opportunity God was giving me to have some alone time with him to confess and ask for forgiveness.

We meet at Olive Garden and I start talking. I told him that I am aware that as my husband, I should treat him better than any other human being, and that in my heart I want to, but that my selfishness, and pride, and SIN prevent me from doing that. I asked him to forgive me and told him that I was committed to working on this above all else. I know God is showing me this is more important than any other mentoring or card ministry I have. I send cards out to encourage others, to brighten their day, to shine God’s love on them, yet how many notes or cards do you think I have given my husband in the past year? Maybe one for his birthday.

Do you know what my husband’s response was? He said I needed to give myself some credit, he said I am much better than I used to be. HE NOTICED! How many times have I felt frustrated that he wasn’t seeing a change in me, from the person I was before I was saved, to now.  How many times have I felt like he wasn’t giving me the credit I was DUE. Well guess what? God spoke to me loud and clear, God deserves the credit not me. My pride was seeking out approval and praise from my husband. When I finally humbled myself, and went to my husband with sincerity, asking for his forgiveness, THAT is when the Lord blessed me with the sweet response from my husband.

Needless to say we had a wonderful lunch, I didn’t nag once 🙂 I read him the Proverbs 31:10-12 passage and told him that was my desire, my commitment to him. He said that was a really nice verse!

Proverbs 31:10-12 – An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil, all the days of her life.

My husband still doesn’t believe in God, but God is still in the center of our marriage. God is teaching me how to back off, to raise my husband up, to encourage him, to lift him up, and do him good, not evil. In doing so, God is blessing our marriage so beautifully. I am so in love with him. I no longer want to describe myself as spiritually single, because God is my portion. God provides everything I need in my husband. So there is no part of me that is “single”. That puts a cloud over my marriage that isn’t true. I am fully committed to hubby, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. He may not read devotions with me or go to church or pray with me, but when I need his support in my walk with the Lord, my husband IS there. He came to my baptism, he supports my church financially, he attends functions and wants to know my church friends. I am NOT spiritually single. I am exactly where God wants me to be.